I'm about to go all "Ren" on ya...
By the way... Why in the world did I watch Ren and Stimpy as a kid? Why did my parents let me? Hmm, that's a whole different ball of wax for a different day.
Now on to the matter at hand. I, my friends, am a bonafide EEDIOT!
How could this possibly be? Oh, it's possible compadres. Let me prove it to you! Last night I got home from work and was completely exhausted only to find that the meat never got defrosted for dinner. Being the lazy person that I am, I asked my husband if we could just get something to eat and he agreed. He then proceeded to pick a Chinese buffet, and I said... wait for it... YES. Oh no, that's not all.
On our way there, I'm telling him all about a situation going on with a friend involving her brother and a drinking/drug problem. I was explaining that he ended up relapsing while hanging out with a family member who was drinking. My husband felt that it was primarily the drinking family member's fault because they should have known that it would be hard for that person who is recently sober. While I can appreciate that sentiment, there is something to be said for that person having a choice and being accountable for themselves. (Having dealt with addiction in my family closely, I can see both sides of the coin.) My husband's final word was that while he understood that this alcoholic had a choice, his family should also realize that it is going to be VERY hard for him to stay sober if they are exposing him to enticement especially since he was still so newly sober.
So, we get to the buffet and I abandon any self-control that I may have previously possessed. I pile my plate high with all of my faves... throwing on a bunch of mushrooms, green beans, and broccoli for good measure. Never mind the fact that they're all covered in sugary sauces. UGH. I get back to the table and it hits me. In this situation, I am the alcoholic and my husband is the family member enticing me. Except, I really can't be upset with him. All I had to say was no. All I had to do was suggest another place to eat. All I had to do was put that plate aside and go back to the salad bar and get some fruit and maybe some sushi. But did I?
I ate that whole plate and then some- knowing all along exactly what I was doing! What is up with that? And when my husband showed up later in the evening with a "treat" for me, I ate that too! Even though I had previously asked him not to bring me any treats anymore, I guess he thought that since I ate what I did at dinner that I had given up.
I am so mad at myself. And it is obvious that he isn't going to support me through this process. I'm not saying this in a negative manner, it's just a matter of fact. So, I need to realize it and get over it. That just means that you guys will have to be my support system. And at the end of the day, I have to make better choices.
Can you do me a favor? Will you go be a fan of my blog on Facebook? This way I can send out distress signals when I'm about to make another idiotic choice and you can stop me! You're the best.