I'm about to go all "Ren" on ya...
By the way... Why in the world did I watch Ren and Stimpy as a kid? Why did my parents let me? Hmm, that's a whole different ball of wax for a different day.
Now on to the matter at hand. I, my friends, am a bonafide EEDIOT!
How could this possibly be? Oh, it's possible compadres. Let me prove it to you! Last night I got home from work and was completely exhausted only to find that the meat never got defrosted for dinner. Being the lazy person that I am, I asked my husband if we could just get something to eat and he agreed. He then proceeded to pick a Chinese buffet, and I said... wait for it... YES. Oh no, that's not all.
On our way there, I'm telling him all about a situation going on with a friend involving her brother and a drinking/drug problem. I was explaining that he ended up relapsing while hanging out with a family member who was drinking. My husband felt that it was primarily the drinking family member's fault because they should have known that it would be hard for that person who is recently sober. While I can appreciate that sentiment, there is something to be said for that person having a choice and being accountable for themselves. (Having dealt with addiction in my family closely, I can see both sides of the coin.) My husband's final word was that while he understood that this alcoholic had a choice, his family should also realize that it is going to be VERY hard for him to stay sober if they are exposing him to enticement especially since he was still so newly sober.
So, we get to the buffet and I abandon any self-control that I may have previously possessed. I pile my plate high with all of my faves... throwing on a bunch of mushrooms, green beans, and broccoli for good measure. Never mind the fact that they're all covered in sugary sauces. UGH. I get back to the table and it hits me. In this situation, I am the alcoholic and my husband is the family member enticing me. Except, I really can't be upset with him. All I had to say was no. All I had to do was suggest another place to eat. All I had to do was put that plate aside and go back to the salad bar and get some fruit and maybe some sushi. But did I?
No way!
I ate that whole plate and then some- knowing all along exactly what I was doing! What is up with that? And when my husband showed up later in the evening with a "treat" for me, I ate that too! Even though I had previously asked him not to bring me any treats anymore, I guess he thought that since I ate what I did at dinner that I had given up.
I am so mad at myself. And it is obvious that he isn't going to support me through this process. I'm not saying this in a negative manner, it's just a matter of fact. So, I need to realize it and get over it. That just means that you guys will have to be my support system. And at the end of the day, I have to make better choices.
Can you do me a favor? Will you go be a fan of my blog on Facebook? This way I can send out distress signals when I'm about to make another idiotic choice and you can stop me! You're the best.
I go through the same thing ALL THE TIME with my dear sweet Tom (who himself will always be a recovering addict of things other than food). He's always suggesting fast food or ordering in ... and rarely do I say no and rarely do I think far enough ahead to order something not horribly detrimental. I quit drinking when he did to make it easier on him. Well, technically, I quit because I got pregnant but I KEPT not drinking because it would be easier on him. Think he could quit with all the crap food???
ReplyDelete(Oh, and consider yourself "fanned"!)
It's interesting to see someone compare food and drugs/alcohol. I consider myself to be a food addict these days, with an inability to "just say no" when I'm in certain situations so the only thing I can do is avoid putting myself in those situtions.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, you have to accept that your husband won't support this and then do it for yourself. It's sad, but it sounds like it's your reality.
One of our topics recently at my weight watchers meeting was family members that sabotage our healthy living plan, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Definately sounds like your husband is an unintentional saboteur! Just keep reiterating to him that you appreciate his thoughtfulness at getting you a treat, but that from now on, you'd prefer a different kind of treat, etc. I have to do that with my mom ALL the time. For so many years, food was a main way we showed love--I baked you this cake because I love you, etc. I have to keep reminding her that I appreciate that she's thinking of me, but that right now, I'm gonna pass on the cake!
ReplyDeleteI totally know how you feel! My husband doesn't seem to understand what I am trying to do. ACK! I just have to know that I have control of ME.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys! It is so reassuring to know that I'm not alone here! And you've given me some great advice!
ReplyDeleteI definitely think food can be just as much a "drug of choice" as any other substance. Addicts come in many forms! It just so happens that my husband and I have the same love of food.
He's a great man, and I know he's not intentionally trying to sabotage me. This is as much of a lifestyle change for him as it is for me since we've always been "partners in crime" if you will.
He'll come around, but until he does, I'm just going to have to rely on myself! And YOU!
My Hubby is the same way. As soon as I told him that I am trying to lose weight, he started to tempt me with all kinds of delicious, sugar-coated, chocolate-y goodness. I finally called him on it, and he said that he wasn't trying to sabotage me, he just thought that I would be offended if he didn't offer me some. (Which has happened before!) But now, after nearly 2 months, he sees that I mean business, so he no longer tries to entice me with his junk! :)
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Let's think a minute here...it's not that your husband "won't" help you, or that he has purposefully schemed to trash all of your hard work - he doesn't realize what he's doing.
ReplyDeleteJust like the family member drinking around the alcoholic, the offending party probably doesn't realize what they are doing, ESPECIALLY if they're a guy.
Men are simple. Seriously. They function on three things - 1) recognition that they are wonderful; 2) uh, as to not offend, I'll use the term "Whoopie"; and 3)food. Their brains are not hardwired to think the way that women do, to analyze situations the way that we do. Men do not see food as the enemy, and truly do NOT understand our obsession with it.
So yes - you will have to be in control of your own self, but it isn't your husband's fault, and he isn't to be punished or criticized, or thought to be the enemy to your diet. Just love him the way he is, and lead by quiet example. He will eventually figure it out on his own, and then you can praise him for helping you. And reward him with the new, sexy you. ;)
Angela Pea - Married for 25 Years
Angela,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, and I do understand where you're coming from. I am not saying it is my husband's fault! I thought I made that really clear. I was upset with MYSELF for not having the self-control. I'm not trying to punish or criticize him at all.
I know, Brandi! You're doing just fine, and I so admire how you and your husband are really fighting to make a life together. Hang in there, pray a lot and keep working on your marriage. It is so worth it.
ReplyDeleteAs for your own self-control, that comes with time. Self-control is actually a habit. As such, it takes a while to get it established. In general, about a week for every year of age. So don't beat yourself up! Practice the habit, and it WILL become ingrained.
I'm so proud of you, Brandi. Fat is hard. Thin is hard. You've chosen your hard, so go get it!
BIG HUGS to you!