A few days ago, I allowed myself to pose a question on Facebook that had been bothering me for days:
"Does it make me a bad person that I'm wary of anyone who claims to have a perfect life? Maybe I've just seen too much to believe that's even possible. I don't allow myself to believe that anything will ever be "perfect" but life can still be good... and it is!"
It was out of the norm for me to post something like that, and I wasn't expecting so many people to respond to it. What started out pretty much a "brain dump" for me actually ended up causing me to ponder and evaluate the whole idea of perfection.
And here's what I've decided:
- First and foremost, I don't need to be worried about whether or not someone thinks their life is perfect. It doesn't matter! If I am worried about it, that means I'm being judgmental. And I don't want to be judgmental.
- My propensity to cringe when I hear someone call their life "perfect" actually has nothing to do with them (whether or not I think their life is perfect) and more to do with me and my perfection issues. I spent most of my life trying to be perfect to please other people. It's taken therapy, the Gospel, and good old effort on my part to stop focusing on the need to be perfect. It is still a struggle daily to fight that urge. But it's getting easier.
- I'm not perfect, but in the same way- I am perfect. It's all in the way you look at it. After reading some scriptures and consulting talks on the LDS website, I think it all boils down to this: Humans are NOT perfect and we won't achieve perfection in this life. However, we should continually strive to be Christ-like (perfect) eventhough we know we will never fully achieve this while we're alive. At the same time, we are God's children and we are perfectly designed. Whatever we are and whatever we do is a part of the plan for us and thus it is perfect. Does that make sense?
This is how I know that I'm ready. Because it's not about looking in the mirror and crying anymore. It's not about trying to fit in some mold of what I should look like. It's about being a temple. It's about my Heavenly Father and my family.
The process won't be perfect. I know that and I haven't even started yet. I don't have any unrealistic expectations. But I'm not going to give up. I will do what it takes!