Friday, November 27, 2009

30 before 30

A few months ago, I came across this blog post from Emma Bradshaw, and I immediately fell in love with the idea of making a list of things you'd like to accomplish in the next year before your next birthday. So, I set off making a list of realistic and measurable goals for me to work on, but I got about 10 goals and was stuck. So, I did some google searching and discovered that lots of people make a 30 before 30 list (often when they are like 25 with crazy stuff like travel the world, etc.)

So, before I introduce my list, I just want to make 2 things clear:

1. I do not see 30 as this looming date with disaster. I'm not trying to complete a list before my life ends or anything crazy like that. I am looking forward to my 30's! My 20's were rough. I am grateful for the life experiences and all that jazz, but truly I am finally comfortable with who I am and know where I'm going. So now I'm just excited to start the trip!

2. This list isn't a contract by any means! I'm not going to freak out if I can't accomplish it all. Those items will just move on to the next years list! Some of the goals are things I really WANT to do and some of them are things I really NEED to do. Either way, they are simply goals!

So, without further adieu:

1. Get Pregnant- yep, just gonna get it right out there. We are officially going to start trying to have a baby, but probably not until closer to the end of the year.
2. Lose 100 pounds- one of the reasons pregnancy probably won't come until the end of the year (lol)
3. Learn how to crochet so I can make this for the nursery.
4. Go skinny dipping because I never have before.
5. Go to at least 3 live music events. I love live music, but never seem to justify going anymore!
6. Complete 30 hours of community service.
7. Write 30 letters- like actual letters and mail them to different people because it will make them happy.
8. Read 30 books.
9. Repair my credit with this book that has been sitting on my shelf for 2 years.
10. Follow FlyLady's daily routines.
11. Conquer our paper clutter and do something with all of my teaching stuff.
12. Take a trip to somewhere we've never been before.
13. Pray, Journal and Meditate Daily.
14. Walk the Bayfront at least once a week.
15. Schedule all of my needed Dr. appointments!!! I am so bad about that!
16. Learn a new dance- I'm thinking belly dancing and maybe Salsa!
17. Go camping- yet another thing I love to do but haven't been able to justify a trip in forever!
18. Make a wedding photobook.
19. Find a creative outlet- maybe rekindle my love of photography.
20. Watch no more than 1 hour of television a day. I'm just tired of wasting so much time.
21. Try Al-Anon
22. Listen to music at least 1 hr./day because it will make me happy.
23. Make a new friend.
24. Reconnect with an old friend.
25. Try Yoga.
26. Call family and friends on a regular basis- another thing I am REALLY bad about!
27. Make a fool of myself singing karaoke.
28. Give up caffeine. It just makes me feel bad.
29. Find a church home.
30. Try 5 new things in the bedroom. (I was hoping if I put it at the end of the list you wouldn't notice!)


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Better Late than Never!

So, I know... You've been dying for an update! :) And I must apologize immensely for my lack of desire to do so. I've been stuck in my own little world lately- thanks to a crazy couple of weeks- and I've quite enjoyed it, thank you! But it's time to come back out and live in the real world with my real friends who have been quite patient with me. What a lucky gal I am!

By the way, aren't we cute? That's my "mother-in-law" and I at her grandfather's 80th birthday party. Yes, we are about the same age. Long story.

Anyway. I will be posting a blog about my trip up North and some other stuff very soon, but first I need to return to these blog roots and tell you all about how my personal journey is coming.

First of all, therapy is amazing. I am working with someone that I've really connected with. We are really getting down to the nitty gritty and eventhough it gets really tough at times, I can feel the progress. So, I want to share two things I've learned in the past few months:

1. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. My therapist gave me that book at our very first session and I've had to digest it slowly because I am having my mind blown with each and every page. I would recommend it to anyone who delt with substance abusing parents growing up (no matter how functional or not).

2. I have a Dissociate Disorder. There are 4 of them, but I clearly fall into one category. Now, I don't know if I have been formally diagnosed, but it has been mentioned more than once by my therapist. So, I decided to check it out, and this is what I read on the wikipedia-

"Depersonalization disorder (DSM-IV Codes 300.6[2]) - periods of detachment
from self or surrounding which may be experienced as "unreal" (lacking in
control of or "outside of" self) while retaining awareness that this is only a
feeling and not a reality."

This so perfectly describes how I feel most of the time that I don't need to be formally diagnosed to know that's exactly what is going on with me. In laments terms, I basically live in la la land. It's a defense mechanism that started a LONG time ago to protect me from all of the stress.

So, what does that all mean? I have some work to do. I am going to start attending Al-Anon meetings. I am going to continue therapy. I am going to stop being so hard on myself (a typical trait for ACOAs). I am going to work on being present, aware, purposeful, conscious, etc. That includes starting to recognize when I am in the present and when I'm not- which is really hard for me right now, but I discovered one thing:

When I'm driving and it's sunny and quiet, I sort of "wake up" and realize all of a sudden that everything is real. I've even said to Havie before, "Wow. You're really real?" And then I have to touch him just to make sure. I know he's real, but most of the time it doesn't feel like he's real. Can you wrap your head around this? LOL...

I know... I'm crazy. But knowing is the first step.


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