Thursday, April 16, 2009

Day 19- Love is impossible

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. -- 1 John 4:7

Today's Dare-

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?

It was easy for me to figure out the day that I thought was impossible- I even blogged about needing help. Day 15- Love is Honorable. I didn't think that I could just give my husband honor and respect when I wasn't getting it in return. I thought it would be impossible for me to treat him with honor all day every day- and I was right. I had to ask God for help to be able to move on and as soon as I did, it was all very clear.

So much of this relationship with God is very new to me. He has been in my heart since I was a child, but I spent many years very confused and hurt. I didn't understand why and how things were happening to me, and I blamed Him. Slowly, but surely He has worked within me and my heart has opened to all in the world that is good and right. I can't describe what has transpired, but I feel so changed inside that sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror expecting to see a different person there. And to tell the truth, I do. In the darkest days, when suicide was a viable option to me, I looked very different to me. That was eight years ago, but it's taken me this long to truly understand God's love.

This is what I've been longing and looking for my entire life. I thought another human could and should love me unconditionally- always wondering what was wrong with me. Always holding my loved ones to these standards that they could not reach. Expecting them to essentially be God. I wish I had known then what I know now.

I am going to continue to ask God to build His love into our marriage. I am going to allow myself to receive and recognize His love. I am going to count my blessings because they are numerous.

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