Saturday, March 14, 2009

Day 5- Love is not rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. --Proverbs 27:14

Today's Dare:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?

Oh boy... Friday was a toughie. I read the chapter Thursday night, and the entire time I was thinking- "Havie needs to read this one!" It was written specifically for him! I swear... BUT as it pointed out at the end- "If you're thinking that your spouse- not you- is the one who needs work in this area, you're likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness." Hah... okay, this book keeps me on my toes! And I love it!

I do not take criticism well. It's not that I think I am perfect- I am well aware of my defects of character. I just don't want anyone else to know because I am worried that they will not love me anymore. It is a major struggle of mine. Eventhough I know this about myself- I still have a hard time.

I convinced myself all day that I was going to listen and say nothing. I was going to rise above it. It was like a mantra. I prayed and prayed. I wanted to show him that I could take it.

So, when I asked him... He outright refused to tell me! Ha ha! I guess that tells you exactly how I usually react. Oh man. I told him that I wanted to show him that I was growing. I asked him to trust me. It took some convincing, but he finally told me.

1. There are things that I could do for myself that I ask him to do for me. He thinks that I should be able to take care of little things without his help.

2. He feels like I give too much detail when I am trying to explain something to him. He doesn't need a 10-page dissertation when a short explanation would suffice.... LOL! This one really hit a nerve for some reason.

3. This one was a little more personal than I care to share in a blog... He had a hard time telling me, but I'm glad he did.

He honestly didn't say anything that I didn't expect to hear, but it was hard. I think I handled it well. I didn't get upset and I didn't say anything. After he finished there was a slightly awkward silence because he was fully expecting me to start talking, but I just changed the subject. I think he was pleasantly surprised.

The first issue is something that I am already working on. I became too reliant on him during the stressful teaching situation and developed some bad habits. I am not asking him to do anything that I can honestly do myself.

The second issue was really easy for me to dismiss in my mind because I want to tell myself that I only have to do that because he questions me if I don't... but I know that completely defeats that purpose of this. I am going to have to be more loving with my responses and give only the information that is necessary and/or wanted.

The third issue is truly something that I need to fix... unfortunately, it is also something that I am just unsure how to correct. It breaks my heart that he is unhappy in this one particular area. It means so much to him. I am just going to pray... and pray some more.

This process is getting much harder for me. It is incredibly emotional and difficult, but I am not giving up. God is showing me what real love is like and I want it now more than ever. He loves me eventhough I am not perfect which is exactly the kind of unconditional love that belongs in a marriage.

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