Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. --Ephesians 5:28
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.
What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience?
I have struggled the past 24 hours with whether or not I should write this blog. As soon as I read the chapter, I knew exactly what I needed to do to complete the dare. I immediately thought- I do not want to write about it. At the same time, I knew that I really needed to write the blog because it may help others in this situation. I also think it's important for me to be honest with myself in this process. In the end, I really wanted to stay true to this process because it seems to working so far... So, here we go- and besides I am a married woman! I should be able to talk about sex!
The chapter talks about how we often see our spouses as an object we own rather than a part of our own body. They gave an example of how we might replace a car that needed more repair than what it's worth, but if we broke the bones in our hand- we would do whatever it would take to repair it regardless of cost. We are a part of one another. Therefore we should treat them with the same nurture and care that you treat yourself.
So, back on day 5- Havie had to tell me 3 things that I do that irritate him or make him uncomfortable. I left off the 3rd thing from the blog. He told me that our lack of sex makes him irritated and he feels very uncomfortable because I am constantly turning him down. Ouch. It was really hard for me to face, but I knew that it was true.
I want to make something really clear. I never thought that I was "holding out on him" to punish him or anything. My "thinking", if you will, was that I was protecting myself from being taken advantage of because we were constantly having issues. I didn't feel like dropping my guard and letting him in.
Yesterday's lesson hit me hard. When it asked- "has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior?" I immediately thought about the fact that I had been rejecting my husband's attempts to make love with me simply because of his attributes and behavior. I'm not sure I can get any more selfish than that. I felt shame and regret.
My husband has a physical and emotional need when it comes to sex and I haven't been meeting either one of them, so I chose to make love with him to show him how much I cherish him. My eyes are welling now as I tell you that it was different in the most amazing way. I can't explain any of it. All I know is that my heart is open in a way that it elating and scary. I've been protecting myself all of this time, but I'm letting go and letting God.
These past 2 days have been pivotal. I can't wait to see what happens next.