The Best of 2009

Happy New Year!

Yesterday my general attitude was "Good Riddance 2009, you sucked." Then I had two different mind blowing conversations that made me sing a different tune. By the end of the day, I was feeling a whole new level of gratitude for this past year because:

a. It could have been MUCH worse and was for some people that I love.

b. Even the bad is good. Think about it... See, I didn't realize it either!

So, I'm going to follow in Leslie's footsteps and share my 2009 Top Ten list. (in no particular order)

10. For Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class. If we hadn't found it when we did, we could have been in BIG trouble at this point. We majorly reduced our monthly budget and have followed it since March. We saved an emergency fund which we have not had to touch. We have given more money than we ever have before and we've seen it flow back in. It's changed our lives in a major way.

9. For being able to move from one job right into another. I got super lucky. I took a major leap of faith when I left teaching, and it paid off.

8. For the breakdown of my marriage. I know it sounds like a strange thing to be grateful for, but it had to happen. It woke me up. It re-lit a fire within and started a new journey for me. It also made me realize just how much I love my husband.

7. Speaking of which- I am blessed with a husband who loves me beyond my comprehension, makes me laugh until it hurts, protects me and takes care of me, has an infectious smile, is super driven, is steadfast, is so giving, and is a great cook. We are so alike and so different and so meant for each other. I almost lost you Xavier, and I promise to never forget your worth again.

6. For therapy. I wish everyone would try it. It took me a little bit to find the right person, but it's amazing what we've been able to achieve together. I've learned so much about myself, and learned to be so loving of myself and others (a major feat). I actually understand who I am for the first time ever and it is so liberating.

5. For LOTS of time alone. It was excruciating at the time. I was so incredibly lonely, but again it was needed. I had to listen. I only had my thoughts to keep my company and I had to face myself. I didn't like what I found in there. I had kept myself so distracted for so long, I had completely disconnected from myself. It actually breaks my heart to think of it now.

4. For being able to reunite with Xavier in Salt Lake City. We were able to celebrate our 3rd Anniversary together in a beautiful city. It was the first time we had seen each other in almost 4 months. It was when we both KNEW that we wanted to make our marriage work. That city will always hold a special place in my heart.

3. Speaking of which- When we visited Temple Square, it was merely an attempt to be good tourists. We had NO IDEA that it would lead us to become members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is truly the most AMAZING thing that has happened in my entire life, let alone this year.

2. For all of the people in my life- new and old, positive and negative. They all play a role even if it is just to remind me of who I don't want to be. I can love them all the same because we are all the same. We all have something to offer to each other.

1. For goals. I have also recently realized that I'm on a perpetual journey of self-improvement. For the first time, I know where I'm going and it will take my whole lifetime to get there. I can achieve everything I want to achieve, but it will be a process. The biggest difference now is what is motivating me. It used to be fear, but now it's love. And it is truly beautiful.