Monday, May 25, 2009

Day 32- Love meets sexual needs

**WARNING- Once again, this blog contains information that is likely to induce blushing and make you feel uncomfortable... Proceed with caution**

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. --1 Corinthians 7:3

Today's Dare-

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with you husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

Was this a satisfying experience for you? If it didn't turn out the way you'd hoped, what doyou think is complicating matters? Have you committed this to prayer? If it was a true blessing for both of you, what can you learn from this for the future?

This chapter struck a chord for me. In the chapter, it said "If you let your mate know- by words, actions, or inactions- that sex needn't be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them a sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate. You violate the "one flesh" unity of marriage." This hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been so selfish, and to be totally honest- I have used the lack of sex as a punishment. I'm sure I make myself out to be the worst wife ever... and maybe I have been. At the time, I told myself- why am I going to have sex with him after he has made me so mad today? I hope that I'm not the only person thinking that way.

The chapter goes on to say "now it is your turn to pay the loving price to win the heart of your mate. When you do, you will enjoy the pure delight that flows when sex is done for all the right reasons." How beautiful.

Initiating sex is really hard for me. I think it makes me feel really vulnerable, and I absolutely HATE feeling that way. But, I really wanted to complete this dare. In fact, I know that this is one of my husband's strongest desires is for me to initiate sex. He has often asked me why I don't and has asked me if I am not attracted to him. I had a few days to pray about it and ask for courage.

So anyway... Mission Accomplished! It was satisfying, but all of this just makes me realize that the self-esteem/insecurity stuff has got to be dealt with. I just don't know how you really fix it. If you have any suggestions, I am absolutely open!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Brandi--It's me, Michelle =)

    Kyle and I started the love dare a few months ago and never went past Day 4!! We got "too busy" to read the chapters...Reading your blog has inspired us to start again and actually finish it--we read Day 5 over the phone last night. So, I just wanted to thank you for the inspiration to continue BEFORE I leave my comment. =)

    In your entry today you mention self-esteem/insecurity. I know exactly how you feel. I don't know exactly which self-esteem issues you are battling, but for me it is my weight gain. It makes me shy about my body. I think the best "fix" for this is to talk to him about your insecurities and self-esteem. Tell him that you feel awkward initiating because you are shy about these things. I will bet all the money in the world that he will tell you that you are BEAUTIFUL (because you are!!) and that you are silly and he loves you and everything about you. When you hear those words, it will help. Then, you just have to do it and each time you realize that you become more comfortable. Eventually, the insecurity is just an afterthought.

    It's not going to happen in a day, but like all things in life, if you work at it, it will get better. I truly believe, however, that you need him to help you--with his words, encouragement, etc. He needs to help you feel beautiful if you don't, or whatever the case may be!



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