Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Day 30- Love Brings Unity

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. --John 17:11

Today's Dare-

Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

Did the Lord open your eyes to anything new that might be giving fuel to this point of disagreement? How do you intend to respond? What do you hope to see God do in your spouse as well?

I would have to say that unity is the one marital quality that I've desperately wanted and have been unable to sustain for any length of time. We've seen spurts of it here and there, but for the most part- the marriage has (at least for me) often felt more like a battleground and we're on opposite sides of the field. So it's not actually one area of division, but rather "the" division in our marriage that prayed about.

God has been revealing an issue that is threatening our unity throughout this process. It's a number of things that all really boil down to my self-esteem. I don't believe that anyone could truly love me, and so I'm always looking for confirmation of that fact. My insecurity rears it's ugly head and has even led me to bully my husband. I've tried to convince him that he is the issue. I am so ashamed of the way I have behaved. I nearly ruined this gift that was given to us.

It occurs to me that God loves me unconditionally- flaws and all. I believe that with every fiber of my being. If He can love me, maybe my husband can too. I don't have to be perfect to be lovable. I will keep praying that I will receive God's love and share it with my husband. Maybe I will then be able to accept and receive my husband's love.

I pray that God will help Havie receive my love. That he will be able to let go of what I've done and see that it is different now. I will continue to try regardless.

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