Wednesday, May 13, 2009

It's getting harder

It's going to take me a few more days to get back into the swing of things, but I promise that I will. I am just processing everything, and trying to figure out how this new situation is going to pan out.

Last night was Havie's first actual work day. He's had tests and orientations all week, but last night was the first real shift. We got to talk when I got out of work until about 6ish. Then he had to turn his cell off and leave it in the car because he could get fired for having it in the refinery. It was excruciating not being able to just call him up and say hi. I just wanted the comfort of being able to hear his voice and know that he was okay. I finally just had to call and listen to his voicemail and then of course leave a tearful message to let him know just how much I missed him.

When he took his lunch break, he got my message. He was tempted to come back home, and truthfully I've been tempted to ask him to come home. BUT we are only 3 days in to this and it will get easier. He called me when he got off this morning at 5:30 am, but I was still so sleepy that I wasn't much for conversation. By the time I was fully awake and ready to talk some more, he was asleep...

The truth is, I know that this is what we need. I have been far too reliant upon him. I need to remember how to take care of myself becuase we want to start a family. It's going to be a hard lesson to learn, but necessary.

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