Thursday, May 28, 2009

Day 33- Love completes each other

If two lie together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? --Ecclesiastes 4:11

Today's Dare-

Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

What are some upcoming decisions you can make together? What did you learn today about the role of your mate?

I am just in awe at how the right dares seem to come along at the right time... We are currently apartment hunting in an effort to reduce our budget so Havie can go back to school. I have been working on it for weeks and I found what I felt like what the best deal for an apartment that we would still be comfortable in. I made it a point to schedule an appointment while he was in town because even though he was saying that he didn't care- I wanted his input.

My husband doesn't like to make decisions. He doesn't typically like to share his opinions. I honestly refuse to make decisions completely on my own, so it has been a big source of trouble for us. I've been telling myself that it was just his personality, but I have come to the realization that he doesn't think I value his opinions, so he just keeps them to himself.

I am a very intrapersonal communicator. I am constantly talking to myself in my head. Running through things, contemplating things, analyzing things. I've always looked at an issue from all angles before I even bring it to anyone else. So many times he gives an opinon and I immediately give my rebuttal. It's not that I'm trying to argue, I've just already thought of that and decided that it's not a good idea. He takes it very personally, and I can see why. It looks like I don't value him.

So, yesterday I found out about another apartment that would only be $15/month more than the one I've already picked out, but it is a two bedroom with a garage and shared fenced yard. The drawback of the two bedroom is that it is much older and is in a not as nice neighborhood. After I explained all of this to Havie, I asked him what he thought. At first he said that he didn't care. I told him that I valued his opinion and didn't want to make this decision alone.

He started to give his opinion, and I caught myself about to shoot down something he said. I stopped and really listened to what he had to say. I realized that (shocker!) I don't know everything. If I am doing all of this analysis on my end- it is all based on my opinion of what is most important. The book says, "don't try doing all the analysis yourself." I have always wanted our decisions to be mutual (and I think that many of them are), but I have discredited many of his opinions and that has to stop.

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