Where I Am...

The title of this image is: Change of Heart

Boy, if that doesn't appropriately describe my life right now, I don't know what does. Many of you reading this blog already know the details of my current events. There are still many, who only know vague details from Facebook status messages. I unfortunately only have enough steam to tell the story one more time, so here we go.

My husband, Xavier (or Havie), is currently working in Wyoming. He is a structural pipefitter and does construction at Oil Refineries. The economy has really hit his industry hard which is why for the first time, he has had to take jobs outside of Corpus Christi this year. He had a lull here recently between a job in Louisiana and this job in Wyoming due in part to an injury to his ankle. He left for Wyoming just 11 days ago, but that's all it takes for life to completely change.

This past weekend I accidentally discovered that he was having an inappropriate relationship with more than one woman for the second time in our relationship. It is not my intention to smear his name or to divulge the intimate details for the entire world to read, so I hope you will understand that I don't care to be more specific.

When I confronted my husband, he initially lied but eventually confessed to the details that I provided proof for. Once he enumerated his reasons which included a long list of my failures, that he was feeling down about not working and his injury, and also that he had not forgiven me for an indescretion months earlier. If you want to know more about that you can check out my other blog.

I immediately asked him to come home so we could get some help and try to rescue our marriage. He immediately let me know that wasn't an option. He continued to tell me that he "didn't want to put in all the hard work for it to not work out anyway." Eventually it was decided that we would separate.

Of course this is a condensed version of the events. As I stated before, it is not my desire to smear my husband's name. It is my truest hope that we can find a way through this situation and come out on the other end stronger and better. Unfortunately, I cannot control him or his decisions. The only person I can control is me. Which is where a new found desire and determination has emerged.

I would be a fool to sit back and pretend that I did not play a part in this mess. (Eventhough I truly believe there are no excuses for what he has done). I have many faults and have been in serious need of change for a long time. Somehow these events have lit a fire within. I am on a mission to walk through this with grace and find myself on the other side healthier and happier without regrets.

I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't need to. I am taking each day as it comes and focusing on the positive. I am taking care of myself, for myself.. I know that I will survive.

It's funny... I thought the change of heart was his, but maybe it's mine...

P.S. Don't worry, there's more to come- What is butter(fly)ing?