Victimized

Some time between 1:30ish and 3:30ish yesterday, while we were playing in the park, someone decided that they'd really like to have my purse that I thought I had hidden in my back seat.

Which purse would that be?

Oh, just my beloved Brown Pebbled Leather Coach purse.  You know, the one that had my Coach wallet, my Maui Jim's, my flash drive with all of my life on it, and every little bit of money I had to my name in it?  Yep, that one.

Police were called, banks were notified, and insurance was called.  I didn't cry until I thought I had left my wedding ring in the purse as well.  That's when I lost it.  I could handle losing everything else.  I mean, it's stuff.  It doesn't mean anything other than they were all gifts from my husband.  The flash drive was hard because I lost most of my digital pictures and never will be able to replace them.  BUT the ring?  That was another story.  It had nothing to do with the monetary value.  It was about it's emotional value or whatever you call it.  My heart sank.

Before I could run home and check the only other place I remembered it being, I had to go check out the gas station where the perps had tried to fill up.  I was hoping they had tossed some of my stuff (flash drive!) or SOMETHING!  But no such luck.

By the time I got home I was pretty much convinced that my ring was going to be there, and I was right.  With my spirit renewed, I scrounged up some change and spent an hour vacuuming up glass and thinking about why this was happening.  I worried about what I was going to do.  I have no more money coming in and everything I had is now gone.  I have an open hole in my car and no way to fix it anytime soon.  I have not heard back on a single job application yet.  I thought about how much I wished my husband were here to help me or at least soothe me.  I didn't know what else to do, so I prayed.

Then I went and bought a heavy duty shower curtain and taped it over my open window in the dark.  That's when the help started pouring in.  Everyone reaching out to do whatever they could.  I was so overwhelmed by how many people cared and loved me.  I'm horrible at asking for help.  It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.  But this time, I didn't even have to ask.

My best friend called me late.  She said that she had been sitting on her couch worrying about me.  Thinking a million things when all of a sudden she got really calm.  She said she knew everything was going to be okay because I'm strong enough to do this on my own.  She said she knows that I don't know that about myself and that it's time I figured it out.  This wouldn't have happened if I weren't strong enough to handle it.  Just as she said it, I felt the confirmation.

Everytime I think it can't get any worse, it does.  And yet, I make it through.  I can do this, and when I can't- someone has stepped in and helped me.  This is all new to me people.

I'm feeling really grateful today.  My window is being fixed.  Gas and groceries are covered.  I have faith that I will find a job, and that everything is going to work out.

I think in the past I relied to heavily on my husband.  I forgot that I was strong enough to do things on my own.  I became so helpless.  I'm sure he felt so much pressure and frustration that they woman he met and fell in love with for her strength disappeared right before his eyes.

Just a thought.