Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Truth Is...

I just don't trust myself anymore.

You see, I thought I was finally getting somewhere in life.  I thought my marriage was stronger than it had ever been.  We were active in our church.  I was doing things that I really enjoyed with people that I really admired.  I was seeing a future coming together...

Only, I was really wrong.  It all started falling apart.  I was being deceived...  Worst of all, now I'm not sure if any of it was real or not.  I'm not sure who I can trust, most of all myself.

I can't make sense of anything anymore.  I went from feeling like I finally understood this life and where I was going, to feeling like I know nothing at all.  I went from having a family to feeling utterly alone.  I went from a life I had built to living this life that feels like it's borrowed.

I have options, but none of them feel right.  Nothing feels right anymore.  I pray for answers, but I don't get any. I pray for wisdom, courage, anything!  But I feel no relief.  I just don't know what to do.

I can't see the future anymore.  I'm trying to make it through the next hour of my life.  I know this all sounds terribly dramatic.  I hate the sound of it myself.  I make myself sick.  I wish I could just STOP.

But I don't know how to.

1 comment:

  1. stop thinking so much & just live . . . when I start to feel overwelmed & wondering if life is taking me in the right direction . . . going to the beach looking out over the water, you can't help but seem small & to me, I can clearly see the 'eternal' perspective, plus the things that I think aren't going quite right in my life don't see so monumental, but something I can overcome and be better because of----hey, you just got a job offer!!! be excited!!! :)



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