I just don't trust myself anymore.
You see, I thought I was finally getting somewhere in life. I thought my marriage was stronger than it had ever been. We were active in our church. I was doing things that I really enjoyed with people that I really admired. I was seeing a future coming together...
Only, I was really wrong. It all started falling apart. I was being deceived... Worst of all, now I'm not sure if any of it was real or not. I'm not sure who I can trust, most of all myself.
I can't make sense of anything anymore. I went from feeling like I finally understood this life and where I was going, to feeling like I know nothing at all. I went from having a family to feeling utterly alone. I went from a life I had built to living this life that feels like it's borrowed.
I have options, but none of them feel right. Nothing feels right anymore. I pray for answers, but I don't get any. I pray for wisdom, courage, anything! But I feel no relief. I just don't know what to do.
I can't see the future anymore. I'm trying to make it through the next hour of my life. I know this all sounds terribly dramatic. I hate the sound of it myself. I make myself sick. I wish I could just STOP.
But I don't know how to.