I've watched you my entire life, you were so fascinating to me. Far more bold, confident, and intelligent than I could dream to be. When we were young, I was so jealous. You could break the rules without batting an eyelash. You could remember the words to a song after the first time you heard it. I wanted to be just like you, but I couldn't be. You were younger, but older. I always knew that.
Then everything got broken, and it was my turn to shine because I could take care of you. It's the only thing I could do better than you- take care of you.
They told me I was the oldest and I had to be a good example. I had to be responsible because you were watching. And I believed them. I tried to be the best I could be, but you didn't want to be like me.
We got older and older and you got deeper and deeper in trouble and I felt so responsible. I thought it was my fault. When we would fight, I couldn't sleep and all I wanted to do was make up. I took on a new role. I became your protector. I thought I was being just. Doing my job.
Then you left. And came back. And left again. Over and over. Breaking my heart each time. I was always there trying to help you pick up the pieces. Telling everything that THIS time it was going to be different. JUST WAIT AND SEE!
All of these years later, and I'm still playing that role. Cheerleader. Protector. Enabler.
But you broke my heart again today. For the last time. You've made your choices and I just have to let go. I will always love you and I will always hope and pray for you, but I can't keep supporting you. It's not my responsibility. It's not my fault. You're only hurting yourself.
I wish things could be different for you little sister, maybe someday they will. It's up to you.