"If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change..."
Let's rewind the tapes a little bit to about 6 months ago. I have been suffering for a while now between my job and my home life. I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself and completely helpless. It was actually incredibly pathetic... So, Havie goes out and randomly buys Michael Jackson's greatest hits cd. One afternoon, I get in, turn the car on and The Man in the Mirror comes on. It had been such a long time since I had heard the song. I listened to it over and over and I started to realize that I wasn't helpless. That if I wanted my life to be different, the change was going to have to start with me.
Michael Jackson's death has catapualted his music to the forefront in the past few days, so I have heard The Man in the Mirror a few more times. I've been reflecting on the past 6 months of my life, and on one hand I am really proud of the progress I've made. I had the courage to change my work situation, I've worked on my relationship, and I've had a spiritual awakening. On the other hand, I can see where I have slacked off and I know that I've refused to face some things that really need to be changed.
Change is tough. It doesn't always feel good. In fact, sometimes it down right hurts until you get to the other side. I have been a coward and I've looked for the instant gratification. I don't want to waste anymore time. I have got to face myself in the mirror and just do it. No excuses, no fear, no looking back.
A friend of mine recently wrote a blog about improvement vs. growth (thanks Brandy). Her whole idea was that you can have improvement without growth, but you don't have growth without improvement. Improvement is great, but it is temporary unless it leads to growth. However, growth is something that you can't just wish for or decide. It takes time, patience, and persistence to attain. Growth requires a change at the most basic level which is certainly difficult to do. I say all of this mostly as a reminder to myself of what lies ahead.
I won't be able to do it alone, but I will be responsible for making it happen. I will have to reach out to others and especially God, but I can sit around and wait for Him to change me anymore. He wants me to pick myself up and do it.
First and foremost, I want to finish up The Love Dare. I haven't given up on it or stopped thinking about it. I have been at a stand still because this next dare requires me to find a "spiritual advisor". The person that I had originally planned to ask just so happened to reveal a character trait right about that time that led me to believe that they would not be the loving person that I am supposed to seek out. I have an idea of who, but just waiting for an opportunity to talk to them about it.
The next project is going to be Extreme Makeover: Brandi Edition... LOL, sorry it just came to me like that. But seriously, I am going to be working hard on some much needed self-improvement. I will be rolling that our shortly!