Thankful Thursday Returns

Once upon a time, this blog had very little to do with weight loss.  It was just about my life and the things I was doing to make it better.  And it still is, but for the time being (and probably for a while) my focus is becoming healthier- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Once upon a time, I used to write a list of everything I was thankful for once a week.  It was my attempt to stay positive and remind myself of all the blessings I have in my life.  And it was my favorite, but somehow it got lost in the shuffle.  So I'm bringing it back.  I think this journey is mostly mental anyhow, so an attitude adjustment is greatly needed!

Here we go! (in no particular order, I just type them as I think of them)

* For new blogger friends!  I feel like this whole new world of support has opened up for me.  You guys are inspirational and you're honest and you're fabulous.  YOU  ROCK!

* For my husband.  My havienero.  I miss you when you work these crazy shifts, but so grateful that you work hard to provide for our little family.

* For my pups.  You two look like ragamuffins right now, but you make my heart melt.  Even when you're barking at thunder and driving me crazy, I know you're just being protective.

* For my family and friends.  I know you love me because you listen to me and try to help me.  I know I can be a mess, but you've never given up on me.  Thank you for the support over the years.

* For rainy nights followed by sunny days.  Literally and Figuratively

* For not having to water my plants for a while after last nights downpour.

* For having a stomach bug (AGAIN!) because at least I get to spend some time with my hubby today.  (Did you see me turn that negative into a positive?)

*  Last, but certainly not least- I'm truly grateful for the gospel.  For a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me.  For the Spirit to guide me.  For my brothers and sisters who inspire, teach, comfort.  It's changed my life in every good way I know.

So, now it's your turn!  I challenge you to come up with your own list!  Can't we all use a little attitude adjustment from time to time?

Hunger

When I was a teenager, my dad and step-mom joined Weight Watchers because they both felt that they needed to lose some weight.  And they did.  But that's not the point.  I remember my dad telling me that he liked feeling hungry because it told him that he was doing a good job.  And I thought long and hard about that.  It was the first time I imagined what I had always considered to be a negative feeling as a potentially positive one.

This idea has expanded for me over the years.  I had a pretty turbulent childhood and consequently have felt many emotions that I would consider negative.  At the same time, now that I have some years, and therapy, and perspective under my belt- I can see how these things had a very positive impact on me.  In fact, it is the very struggle that I've experienced that made me as strong as I am today.  Without it, I am sure I would not be the person I am.

I have this theory about the world these days.  It seems like we avoid any "negative" emotion at all costs.  We go out of our way to keep from having to experience these feelings that don't necessarily feel good.  And we go to extreme measures to keep our loved ones (especially children) from possibly experiencing them.  And it is this very avoidance that ends up costing us more than we realize.

In an effort to avoid being hungry physically, I've kept myself from feeding so many other "hungers".  I've known for YEARS that I would need to lose a significant amount of weight to have a healthy pregnancy.  My Dr. was willing to help me get pregnant, but I thought it would be selfish to put my child's health at any possible risk.  Not to mention that I would be putting myself at risk as well.  And while I've made some attempts in the past two years, I've never been in this fight whole-heartedly.

And it's not just about babies.

I've said it a million times before.  Even though I'm not looking to be super thin, I also don't want my weight to be a lifetime struggle.  I want to develop a healthy relationship with food.  I don't want to be in love with it.  I don't want to be in my 70's and still freaking out about 10 pounds and forever wishing I were thinner.  And yes, that's based on a real person in my life.  I want to be living!

So, as I sit here and my tummy rumbles, I am grateful.  Hunger is my friend and a reminder that I'm doing something right.  It doesn't hurt, but it's a little uncomfortable...  But not nearly as uncomfortable as trying to squeeze into clothes, feeling eyes on me everywhere I go, trying to fit into booths at restaurants, swollen ankles...  You get the picture.

How has hunger helped you?

Gaining Perspective

Current Weight:  304.8 lbs
Loss:  +1.4  lbs
Total Loss:  -2.4 lbs
Emotion:  unsurprised


Oh, the excuses...  I'm wearing jeans.  I'm retaining water.  I cheated earlier in the week.  I didn't track this weekend.  You get the picture.


I know exactly how it happened, and I know exactly how to fix it.


I've stayed on plan today and have tracked all day.  I have a meal plan for the week.  I have a bachelorette dinner Saturday night that I'm saving my extra points for.  I'm just going to focus one day at a time, one meal at a time.


Most of all, I'm not going to let this gain make me want to give up.  I've been down that road too many times before.

Weekend Wrap-Up

I had a wonderful weekend and this is all I have to show for it!  You know I had a good time because I didn't take any pictures.  Don't ask me why, but I never seem to document the times I really wish I had documented...  Anyone?  Just me.  Thought so.

You wanna know how ELSE I know I had a great time?  Because I didn't track anything all weekend!  I really didn't go crazy or anything.  My family eats pretty healthy, but I'm pretty much expecting a gain tonight at my meeting.  I'd hate for that to happen, but at the same time I'm not feeling all worked up about it.

I'm back home, I'm back on plan, and I know that I'm going to stay on track.  And I have a new treat!  I was first introduced to my new love in this post from Peanut Butter and Jenny.  While we were shopping for groceries, I saw a jar and just had to pick it up and try it!  I just love shopping in big cities!  You can find EVERYTHING!  And my oh my is it delicious.  And it's completely natural.  and vegan.  and kosher. and gluten free.  and well, just read about it here.

In any case, I had an AMAZING time with my sisters.  Spent some major time in a pool with twin 4-year-old boys (can you say workout?).  And I got some much needed R&R.  Hope you did the same!

P.S.  I'm not being paid or compensated in any way to endorse this product.  I just really like it.  But I'm not opposed to doing so if you wanna send me some free stuff!

On the Road Again

Why, Willie, Why?

I'm headed out today for a much needed vacay!  Headed to Houston to see 3 of my 4 sisters!  Yippee!  I'm going to have a blast and try to stay on plan while I'm at it!  Wish me luck!

Don't worry chickadees!  I'll be back soon!  Thanks to the long holiday weekend, I will not be weighing in at my meeting until Tuesday night.

I hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, and safe travels!

Upgrades

No, not that kind of upgrade!

I'm talking about my blog folks!  After writing on the world wide web for several years, it looks like I finally have a viable audience!  I say it's all thanks to HYC!  It brought so many new readers to my blog, AND introduced me to so many fabulous blogs I had NO clue about. 

My follower count has gone from 1 follower (You Rock Amber) to nearly 20 in just about a week!  And sitemeter shows that there are many more visitors than followers!  Not that I do this all for the glory, but it's kinda cool knowing that people are actually reading my ramblings.

In any case, I'm taking this blog much more seriously now.  I now have my own Facebook page!  (You should come be a fan!)  And I'm going to be working on a face lift over the weekend and I'll be coming up with a game plan for posting!  Wow, I feel like such a grown-up blogger now.

You should go check out the 100 in 365 tab.  I put some picturas up in there for your viewing pleasure!  (P.S. I live in South Texas, so it's okay for me to throw in some espanol... We call it Tex-Mex)  I plan to update pictures and measurements once a month!

If you have any suggestions as to what you'd like to see me do with my blog (i.e. content, posts, etc.), I'd love to hear them!

Eediot

I'm about to go all "Ren" on ya...

By the way...  Why in the world did I watch Ren and Stimpy as a kid?  Why did my parents let me?  Hmm, that's a whole different ball of wax for a different day.

Now on to the matter at hand.  I, my friends, am a bonafide EEDIOT! 

How could this possibly be?  Oh, it's possible compadres.  Let me prove it to you!  Last night I got home from work and was completely exhausted only to find that the meat never got defrosted for dinner.  Being the lazy person that I am, I asked my husband if we could just get something to eat and he agreed.  He then proceeded to pick a Chinese buffet, and I said...  wait for it... YES.  Oh  no, that's not all.

On our way there, I'm telling him all about a situation going on with a friend involving her brother and a drinking/drug problem.  I was explaining that he ended up relapsing while hanging out with a family member who was drinking.  My husband felt that it was primarily the drinking family member's fault because they should have known that it would be hard for that person who is recently sober.  While I can appreciate that sentiment, there is something to be said for that person having a choice and being accountable for themselves.  (Having dealt with addiction in my family closely, I can see both sides of the coin.)  My husband's final word was that while he understood that this alcoholic had a choice, his family should also realize that it is going to be VERY hard for him to stay sober if they are exposing him to enticement especially since he was still so newly sober.

So, we get to the buffet and I abandon any self-control that I may have previously possessed.  I pile my plate high with all of my faves...  throwing on a bunch of mushrooms, green beans, and broccoli for good measure.  Never mind the fact that they're all covered in sugary sauces.  UGH.  I get back to the table and it hits me.  In this situation, I am the alcoholic and my husband is the family member enticing me.  Except, I really can't be upset with him.  All I had to say was no.  All I had to do was suggest another place to eat.  All I had to do was put that plate aside and go back to the salad bar and get some fruit and maybe some sushi.  But did I?

No way!

I ate that whole plate and then some- knowing all along exactly what I was doing!  What is up with that?  And when my husband showed up later in the evening with a "treat" for me, I ate that too!  Even though I had previously asked him not to bring me any treats anymore, I guess he thought that since I ate what I did at dinner that I had given up.

I am so mad at myself.  And it is obvious that he isn't going to support me through this process.  I'm not saying this in a negative manner, it's just a matter of fact.  So, I need to realize it and get over it.  That just means that you guys will have to be my support system.  And at the end of the day, I have to make better choices.

Can you do me a favor?  Will you go be a fan of my blog on Facebook?  This way I can send out distress signals when I'm about to make another idiotic choice and you can stop me!  You're the best.