100 in 365

You voted!  I'm listening!

Thank you so much to all of you who voted and gave your input.  I read all of your suggestions, prayed about them, and I think that I've come to a decision.

I'm looking to change my lifestyle, not just go on a diet.  I'm not just wanting to lose a lot of weight real quick.  I'm willing to take my time to make sure that this is a permanent change.  That being said, I also know myself and I do better on a structured program.  I also know that I need some level of accountability to stay on course.  So, for now I am going to join Weight Watchers.  The structure of the program will help me to get used to the lower calories before I make additional changes.

So basically I'm looking at this as a process to make a lasting and profound lifestyle change.  The process is going to go through stages.  I am going to make it a point to make sure that I stay true to this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet.  Clean eating and exercise will become a part of all of this soon!

I had this grand plan to weigh in this morning, take pictures and post everything...  Well, my scale battery was dead.  The battery is one of those watch batteries, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to replace it!  So look for a post tomorrow night!

Let's Put it to a Vote

I'm kinda stumped guys and I need your help.  As I shared with you here, as of Sunday I am going to be back on the weight loss wagon.  I'm just not exactly sure what wagon I'm going to be on.

I don't really want to join WW and have to pay $40 a month to follow a plan that I already know how to do on my own.  But I wonder if I will stick to it if I'm not going to the meetings.

To further complicate things, I'm really getting into Clean Eating.  It's basically consuming food in its most natural state-- or as close as possible to it.  It's not a diet really, but more of a lifestyle approach to food and its preparation, leading to health, well-being and a lean look. 

I'm wondering if I should possibly combine the WW program and Clean Eating lifestyle to have more structure, or maybe just stick to Clean Eating and control my portion sizes.

Regardless of what I do, I'm pretty well versed on what I should eat (veggies, fruit, lean meats, whole grains, dairy) and what I shouldn't (fried, processed, msg, high fructose corn syrup). 

So it looks like I'm going to need your help.  What do you think I should do?  Vote in the poll on the right hand side of the page.  If you think I should do something else, PLEASE tell me about it in the comments section!

Perfection

A few days ago, I allowed myself to pose a question on Facebook that had been bothering me for days:

"Does it make me a bad person that I'm wary of anyone who claims to have a perfect life? Maybe I've just seen too much to believe that's even possible. I don't allow myself to believe that anything will ever be "perfect" but life can still be good... and it is!"

It was out of the norm for me to post something like that, and I wasn't expecting so many people to respond to it.  What started out pretty much a "brain dump" for me actually ended up causing me to ponder and evaluate the whole idea of perfection.

And here's what I've decided:

• First and foremost, I don't need to be worried about whether or not someone thinks their life is perfect.  It doesn't matter!  If I am worried about it, that means I'm being judgmental.  And I don't want to be judgmental.
• My propensity to cringe when I hear someone call their life "perfect" actually has nothing to do with them (whether or not I think their life is perfect) and more to do with me and my perfection issues.  I spent most of my life trying to be perfect to please other people.  It's taken therapy, the Gospel, and good old effort on my part to stop focusing on the need to be perfect.  It is still a struggle daily to fight that urge.  But it's getting easier.
• I'm not perfect, but in the same way- I am perfect.  It's all in the way you look at it.  After reading some scriptures and consulting talks on the LDS website, I think it all boils down to this:  Humans are NOT perfect and we won't achieve perfection in this life.  However, we should continually strive to be Christ-like (perfect) eventhough we know we will never fully achieve this while we're alive.  At the same time, we are God's children and we are perfectly designed.  Whatever we are and whatever we do is a part of the plan for us and thus it is perfect.  Does that make sense?

So, I guess it all boils down to this:  I am grateful for what I am and what I have in my life at this time.  I am grateful for even the few bumps that I experience (eventhough they are few and far between these days) because they have a purpose.  I can look in the mirror and say:  You are beautiful.  You are a child of God.  You are exactly as you should be today.  And eventhough those voices want to chime in and say, "But what about..." I'm finding it easier and easier to quiet them.

This is how I know that I'm ready.  Because it's not about looking in the mirror and crying anymore.  It's not about trying to fit in some mold of what I should look like.  It's about being a temple.  It's about my Heavenly Father and my family.

The process won't be perfect.  I know that and I haven't even started yet.  I don't have any unrealistic expectations.  But I'm not going to give up.  I will do what it takes! 

A Lot to Lose

Would you believe me if I said that I think I'm ready to tackle this thing called food/eating/weight?  I wouldn't if I were you...  It seems like I've been down this road too many times, broken too many promises to myself, made progress only to turn around a head back.  It's been quite a battle.  One that I've mostly been losing.

So what makes me so ready now?

In short- because this is the only thing standing in the way of me having a baby.  And I want a baby more than I want anything else in my life.  And I think it's ridiculous that I'm allowing my love of food to keep from something that I will love SO much more!

What is going to be different THIS time?

To be honest, I'm not sure.  For one thing, I will be doing all of the cooking thanks to my husband's new work schedule.  That will allow me to be in control of what's going into the meals and the portion sizes.  For another, I have spiritual motivation and support thanks to the Word of Wisdom.  And finally, there's YOU.  Which means accountability. 

I've been blogging about my weight-loss efforts for several years now and I've always been amazed by the support that my readers give me.  I'm kicking it up a notch now by being a part of several weight-loss blogs.  It's awesome to see how many people are out there trying to achieve what I am.  And many who already have!

So, starting this weekend, I'm kicking off a new series- 100 in 365.  I'm sure you can decipher that my goal will be to lose 100 lbs. in the next year.  I know that sounds like a crazy goal, but at my size, it's actually very realistic.  I plan to weigh in weekly with pictures and measurements.  I will be sharing everything with you- what I'm eating, how I'm doing, and what I'm feeling.  Should make for good reading!

I'm not going to go on some crash or fad diet.  I'm just going to eat less and better, and get some exercise.

I thought happiness was Lubbock, TX in my rearview mirror...

Ahh, Mac Davis...  You sure now how to get a girl right in the heart...

When I was in high school, I couldn't wait to leave my hometown of Lubbock, TX.  I wanted out of there so badly that I even took some night classes to graduate a year early from high school.  I was adamant about heading away from home for college.  As I was making my plans for school in San Marcos, my dad was offered a job in Houston.  At that point, my grandparents begged me to stay and go to Texas Tech.  They made a compelling offer, but I had no desire to stay.  One hot day in July of 1998, we all packed up and left...  and I cried the entire way.

Ever since I've become an adult (especially since I've been married) I've wanted to make my way back to my hometown.  It's where I want to raise a family, lay my head at night, it's where I feel at home.  We keep trying to make it happen, but the move remains elusive.  I guess it just isn't time yet.

I really thought it was going to happen this time, but staying put is really what's best.  Havie is already being prepped for promotions in June.  If he leaves now, he would be starting all over.  I just can't do that to him.  We are going to use the next two years to meet some important personal goals and then we will re-assess.

Wherever we are together, we will be okay because that is truly home.

Chillin' Like A...

I've been meaning to get on here for a week now and update you on my "mission".  I have to say that it was a complete success!  YAY!  I didn't get to do everything that I would have liked to, but by the end of the 5 days, I had a clean and straightened home.  I had also finished some projects that had been on the backburner for a long time.

And thanks to some honest commentary from friends (Thank you so much by the way!), I also emerged with a new attitude and perspective.  I'm ready to admit that I have been way too hard on myself which is the main reason things get so bad to begin with!  I let things get backed up a little bit, then start beating myself up about it, which in turn keeps me from doing what I need to do, which only leads to the problem getting worse...  UGH, get me off this crazy rollercoaster!

So, I decided to take a chill pill.  Yes, I still don't think I have any excuse to not stay on top of things (no kids), but beating myself up about it is counter productive.  I am doing what I can when I can and I'm not freaking out about what is going left unfinished.  I've managed to stay sane all week!  Aren't you proud of me?!

There's so much more I want to tell you about!  Some big stuff is coming so stay tuned!

But in the mean time, tell me- What's your hangup?  Is there something you're proned to beat yourself up about?  Let me know I'm not a weirdo out here being hard on myself!

Mission: Possible?

Anyone who knows me very well or has read my blog very long can tell you that I have many goals. There are many things that I hope to do in regards to myself, my home, my family. The problem is that I never seem to reach these goals.

The problem isn't a lack of motivation, rather it's an issue of being overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all.  And being overwhelmed usually leads to me not doing anything at all which of course only exacerbates the issues at hand.

While I have MANY goals, I realized a few months ago that I have to get my household and routine in order before I will be able to tackle anything else.  Maybe some people can do it the other way around, but I have finally figured out that I need the structure in my home in order to function well at everything else.

So I've worked for the last few months at it and have honestly gotten NO where and just more frustrated in the process.  I've tried to figure out how things got so crazy and that's when I remembered something crucial:  I used to have one week, two week, three month breaks when I was teaching that I used to catch up on organization, cleaning, and paper clutter.  I don't have that anymore, but I've never put something in it's place.

I think I have a plan to shake things up a bit!

Starting tomorrow, I will be spending the next 5 days cleaning, organizing, and restoring my sanity.  I originally wanted to take an entire week off work and utilize the weekends before and after, but that didn't work out. 

I'm praying that I will be able to stay focused and determined to meet my goals.  I'm sure I won't be able to complete EVERYTHING I'd like to do, but I hope it will be enough to allow us to make some new routines and live a less chaotic lifestyle.

Oh, and I keep getting the prompting to ask for help, so if you feel like teaching me- I'd really appreciate the assistance!