Lubbock it is

Last week my mother and step-father were in town visiting.  I had just pretty much made my mind up that I was going to move forward with going to Lubbock.  The fact is that I really don't have anywhere to live here in Corpus Christi- at least not until I can afford it.  I couldn't find anyone to live with that wasn't a stranger (too many bad experiences down that road).  So, it was like there really wasn't a decision at all.

Then my parents dropped a bomb on me- they are moving back to Corpus Christi after my step-brother graduates in May.  Since he's headed off to the Navy, already enlisted!, they finally made the decision to come back.  Then it wasn't so clear cut.  At that point, I felt like I HAD to stay put.

The same night, I spoke with my Uncle and his wife (I have a hard time calling her my aunt because we are so close in age and good friends).  They said that I could stay with them in Post, TX until I got on my feet.  That takes away a big portion of the gas issue because it's much closer to Lubbock than Spur.  And it re-energized my desire to be in Lubbock.

Fast forward a few days and the next bomb dropped- my aunt, who finished her last round of chemo in mid-September got the results of her latest scan.  Her lung cancer had spread to her liver and more within her lungs.  They basically told her that her bone marrow has already taken a beating.  They don't think they will be able to cure her cancer.  They are just going to prolong her life by treatment until her body can't take it anymore.

Then I really felt like I had to stay.

I've been praying this entire time for guidance and courage.  I hadn't felt like I knew what to do yet.  I could tell that at least subconciously, a part of me really wanted to be in Lubbock.  When I thought about staying here, it just didn't feel like the right thing to do.  I realized I felt more excited when I thought about my future in Lubbock than I did when I thought about my future in Corpus Christi.  But I didn't know what the RIGHT things to do was yet.

Until I had breakfast with my mom Saturday morning.  I was expressing to her my feelings about it all and she stopped me short by saying that I needed to do what was best for ME for once.  And I could feel that this was my answer.  

I'm letting alot of people down by leaving Corpus Christi- my sister, my aunt, my parents, my friends.  It feels like a selfish decision to leave them behind, but sometimes in life we just have to put ourselves first.  I know I need this to put myself back together and hopefully come out of this with grace and confidence.

Today I start packing and looking for a job.  I have no idea what the future holds, but I feel hopeful and excited and a little bit scared- but I'm focusing on the hope.

What next?

I'm writing this post mainly as a way for me to get it all out there and hopefully help make a decision, but if you happen to have an opinion or some advice, I'd love to hear it.

Lubbock or Corpus Christi?  That is the question.

Let's start with Corpus Christi since I'm already here:
Pros-

• My sister and aunt live here
• I have some great friends here
• I have a job
• It would make continuing my business (Twisted Sisters Crochet) with my sister easier
• My mom and step-dad would probably visit more frequently since they have other friends and family here.

Cons-

• I would be near him which makes me feel uneasy.
• The cost of living is higher so I don't think I could live on my own.
• Which means I'd probably have to look for another job anyway and the new job probably won't let me crochet all day.
• I don't have anyone to take me in while I get on my feet.
• I don't really like it here- haven't really wanted to live here for a while now.

And now for Lubbock...
Pros-

• I have a sister and lots of family there.  It's where I grew up.
• My closest friends live there.
• Cost of living is lower, would be more manageable on my own.
• I can stay with my grandparents while I get on my feet.
• I can help my grandparents.
• I love it there.  I've wanted to move home for a long time.  
• I wouldn't be anywhere near him.

Cons-

• I have to find a job
• Brit and I will have to do all of our Twisted Sisters stuff long distance.
• I probably won't have a job where I can crochet all day which is going to impact the business.
• I'm less likely to have my Mom and Step-dad visit.
• My grandparents live an hour outside of Lubbock so I will be driving two hours a day which will easily be $100 in gas a week/$400 a month which is basically rent.  Meaning I won't be able to do it for long.

I guess the question really is whether I should be cautious and stay where I am (eventhough I'm not sure I will have anywhere to live by the beginning of November) or take the risk and go where I really want to go but don't have a job yet and will have the additional costs of moving and storing my things until I can get out on my own.

For now, I am going to ACT on both.  I'm going to look for jobs in both cities and start packing.  I'm going to keep praying about it and hopefully the right path will reveal itself to me!

One Great Conversation

I had the most wonderful conversation with a man from my hometown this morning, and it totally took me out of my non-blogging slump to share some thoughts with you.

I am currently working as an Administrative Assistant for a small family-owned business in the cotton industry.  More specifically, the company I work for designs, sells, and services cotton module equipment all around the world with very few competitors.  One of the pieces we sell looks like this:

In fact, our only competitor for module trucks is in Lubbock!  Anyway- we put the big steel box on the back (among other things).  So, this morning, we had a new truck chassis delivered from the West Texas Peterbilt.  The driver needed to kill some time before he left for the airport so we had ourselves a little talk.

This guy was FASCINATING to me!  He was originally from New York and had become a truck driver back in the 70's.  Back then you only got paid when your truck was full.  He had taken a load from Birmingham to Idaho and they didn't have anything for him to pick up, so he was driving back unpaid.  He got called to run a load to Ft. Stockton and then to Lubbock.  When he got to Lubbock, he had been driving unpaid for days and he was sick of it, so he quit.  Dropped the rig off in Slaton and decided he would just stay put. 

He said it took him 4 weeks to find a job, and that entire time a woman in Slaton let him stay at her little inn on the promise that he would pay her when he found a job.  And he helped her by mowing the lawn around the hotel and stuff.  He had to hitchike to job search, but he ended up getting hired by the City of Lubbock to work at the airport.  Back then, they wanted you living at the airport, so they GAVE YOU A HOUSE!  Seriously.  So that pretty much all worked out just fine and dandy for him and he worked for the city for 25 years when he retired.

Oh, and he did pay that lady back with his very first paycheck and he slept on the floor of that house until he saved up for a bed, but he was just fine.

I was so struck by this guys story and it made me feel lots of stuff:

1.  He was BRAVE.  I mean, who does that?

2.  Things in this world sure have CHANGED.  We don't trust each other anymore.  Most people wouldn't take care of you like that!

3.  I sure miss Lubbock.

I'm sure it's not like it used to be, but I know it's still a great place to live.  It's where my history and family and many friends are.  I know it gets a bad rap, but it's one of those things that's hard to appreciate when you've never lived there or you've never left.

I wonder if I can get a good Southwest deal and go home?