Day 24- Love vs. Lust

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. --1 John 2:17

Today's Dare-

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed -- today -- and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

What did you identify as an area of lust? What has this pursuit cost you over time? How has it led you away from the person you want to be? Write about your new commitment to seek Him-- and seek your spouse-- rather than seeking after foolish desires.

I am trying to play catch up this morning. I was going to post this blog Saturday, but you know how it goes. I had jury duty for the first time yesterday, so I am really behind now!

My first reaction to this chapter was that I wasn't lusting after anyone anymore, but once I read it, I realized that I was lusting over things. I have not been content, and have been constantly seeking the next thing to make me happy. I have lied and tried to meet my needs in illegitimate ways. The book say that lust is really a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. I absolutely believe it because I've never been able to find relief on my own.

I would say that I lust over stuff, food, etc. The pursuit has cost me sanity, health, lots of money, opportunities, and true happiness. It has hurt my marriage. I've felt so lost not knowing what I wanted and always searching trying to fill the void.

There is a new commitment for me to seek Him. It feels very foreign to me because I am not used to this new way of life, but I am trying to act as if until it eventually because comfortable. I finally followed through with praying this morning. I've been praying at night off and on, but this was the first morning I remembered to stop and pray. It is going to take time, but mostly it is going to take effort. It is worth it.

Day 23- Love always protects

[Love] always protects. --1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Today's Dare-

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

What did you throw out first? Are there others that need to go as well? What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God?

The chapter says that our relationship is truly like a battlefield in that we have to constantly protect it from attackers. The attackers are broken down like this:

Harmful influences- internet, television, work... it all boils down to time and connection.

Unhealthy relationships- basically other people who draw you emotionally away from the marriage.

Shame- you have to protect your partners vulnerability by never speaking negatively about them in public.

Parasites- addictions like gambling, drugs, or pornography

Today was a pretty easy day for me because I've already removed our biggest threats. The biggest one was my job. It took everything I had to give, so there was nothing left for my family. It's not the only harmful influence that I have removed. I'm not going to talk about all of them because, well I'm saving it for another day coming very soon- Day 26 to be exact.

I know that more of these attackers will become apparent as time goes by, so I'm going to be praying that I will recognize them and have the strength to fight them off.

Day 22- Love is faithful

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. --Hosea 2:20

Today's Dare-

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

Why is this kind of love impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? How does His presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?

I've been trying to get around to blogging all day, but it's been a busy one! I like those days, when I don't have a minute to spare, call me crazy!

I wish I had taken a picture of Havie's face when I told him that I loved him even if he doesn't love me in return. He looked confused which quickly gave way to frustration. He thought I was trying to say that I don't think he loves me... (which IS something I've told him before). I had to go on to explain that I just mean that my love isn't contingent on him loving me back. That I love him unconditionally. He still looked at me like "why are you telling me this now?", but he dropped his defenses.

This kind of love has been impossible without Christ in my heart because every time I felt like he "didn't love me", I would then resent him. Any little thing that bothered me added to that resentment. I got to the point that I was so resentful, I felt more like I hated him than loved him. Wow, that is so sad. That was only a few months ago, but it's feel like a lifetime ago.

It's just so different now. I am NOT going to act like everything is perfect and he absolutely says and does things that bother me. Not as much and the main difference is the way that I react. I have just relaxed so much because I'm not so worried about protecting myself. There's a real peace now. We are blessed beyond measure because of His love.

P.S. I know you don't want to know this, but I just have to share... The love life has returned (you know what I mean, *wink*) and I just feel like busting out into song and dance! :)

Day 21- Love is satisfied in God

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. --Isaiah 58:11

Today's Dare-

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one-- a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective? How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?

The very last sentences of this chapter are: God is your everyday supply. Of everything you need.

I always feel amazed when I read or hear something at exactly the time I need that information. Just when I started to doubt myself and my progress, I realize that I am exactly where I should be.

Let me back up a bit. Those of you that have been reading this blog regularly (Thank you for that, by the way) know that I've hit some bumps in the road during this journey which is exactly what I had to face on day 19. Which set me up for the message on Day 20. Day 20 pretty much blew my mind. I tried to move on to Day 21 last Friday without even reading the chapter. I just read the dare and thought- oh, I can do that today. All of a sudden, something said "stop!" It hit me that I needed to process what was going on and face this revelation I had experienced.

I re-read days 19 and 20, and finally read day 21. It's funny because I blogged about the topic of this chapter on day 20. The chapter stated- It's time to stop expecting somebody or something to keep you functioning and fulfilled on a non-stop basis. Only God can do that as you learn to depend on Him. That's why you need to seek Him every day.

Daily prayer and reading of the bible is absolutely foreign to me, but I am going to make it a priority. I am reading a chapter from Proverbs everyday and along with my 2pm prayer for my husband- I am going to make it a point to pray every morning and evening. One of my fighting rules for myself was to not bring up an issue with my husband until I had a chance to think it through. I am changing that to until I have prayed about it.

My pastor says that God gave us free will and He will not enter into any part of our lives any further than we ask Him to come. I've already received many blessings, I can only imagine what will happen as I give my life to Him, the One who created me.

***P.S. For those of you who are reading this blog and completing the dares, I would highly recommend you get the book. The chapters are very short (2-3 pgs.), but they have a message too valuable. Just a suggestion!

Taking some time

Days 19 - 21 are major and I am feeling like I've rushed through them without feeling their impact. I am going to take some time to slow down and really focus on their dares and messages before I move on.

We had a rough weekend. We were busy and stressed out. We actually did a pretty good job of sticking to our "fighting rules". We just had to have a pretty serious discussion about one particular issue and I'm not sure that we really got any closure. I didn't pray all weekend and in fact, we didn't even go to church on Sunday. That was the exact opposite of what I should have done.

Everything is okay and we're moving forward. I just want to stay true to this process and really experience it fully- not just run through the motions.

I will be back soon!

Day 20- Love is Jesus Christ

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. -- Romans 5:6

Today's Dare-

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace."

Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?

I guess that if I had looked ahead, I would have written most of what I wrote yesterday, today. I think you all know what this experience has been like for me. At the risk of sounding hokey, it has been life changing. I wish that I could tell you just what has happened, but it is so altering, I am not sure how to put it into words... not typical for me!

I asked Jesus into my heart when I was about 8 years old. I knew exactly what I was doing at that time, and I have never questioned that decision. I have never been as committed to Him as I am now. God has shown me today that this dare isn't about my husband. It is about me. If I receive His love, I can then share the same love with my husband.

I can tell you that it has happened without me trying. I have received His love and I am sharing it with my husband. It feels so different, that I have a hard time remembering the way I felt a few months ago when I was sure that our marriage had failed. I was so weak, trying to control everything on my own.

I don't expect that it will all be perfect from here. I imagine that there will be times that I will need to remember to receive God's love. I am an imperfect human being and I always will be. I have taken a sneak peek at some of the upcoming dares and they are going to be extremely difficult, but I will pray for His guidance and love.

Day 19- Love is impossible

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. -- 1 John 4:7

Today's Dare-

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?

It was easy for me to figure out the day that I thought was impossible- I even blogged about needing help. Day 15- Love is Honorable. I didn't think that I could just give my husband honor and respect when I wasn't getting it in return. I thought it would be impossible for me to treat him with honor all day every day- and I was right. I had to ask God for help to be able to move on and as soon as I did, it was all very clear.

So much of this relationship with God is very new to me. He has been in my heart since I was a child, but I spent many years very confused and hurt. I didn't understand why and how things were happening to me, and I blamed Him. Slowly, but surely He has worked within me and my heart has opened to all in the world that is good and right. I can't describe what has transpired, but I feel so changed inside that sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror expecting to see a different person there. And to tell the truth, I do. In the darkest days, when suicide was a viable option to me, I looked very different to me. That was eight years ago, but it's taken me this long to truly understand God's love.

This is what I've been longing and looking for my entire life. I thought another human could and should love me unconditionally- always wondering what was wrong with me. Always holding my loved ones to these standards that they could not reach. Expecting them to essentially be God. I wish I had known then what I know now.

I am going to continue to ask God to build His love into our marriage. I am going to allow myself to receive and recognize His love. I am going to count my blessings because they are numerous.